I read this amazing article today that made me think for a while… I will copy this here, so I will not lose those special words to me. They are really special and really well put. Here is the original link for the article too:
http://www.contrarianism.net/2010/12/09/how-to-get-out-of-a-box/
In Africa and parts of India the natives use a unique technique to catch monkeys.
They hollow out one end of a coconut and tie a long line to it. Then they put peanuts inside the coconut and hide it in the bush. When a monkey discovers the coconut filled with nuts, he works his hand through the small hole in one end of coconut to grab a fist full of nuts, but finds when he makes a fist to grab the peanuts he is unable to pull his hand out through the hole. The monkey is persistent but he is confounded by the coconut and is unable to retrieve the item of his desire. Once the monkey has his hand inside the coconut, the natives slowly pull in the line attached to the coconut. No matter how loud the monkey squeals, cries, and complains, or pulls, tugs, and fights, he remains trapped as long as his fist is clenched, and the only way he can save himself is to let go of the peanuts!
The monkey could easily escape if he he’d just let go, but all too often he doesn’t and ends up getting captured and looses his freedom. Of course the monkey was only caught because of his limited thinking, for if he had let go of the peanuts he would be free!
At this point in the story, all of us enlightened human readers might blame the chimpanzees primitive brain, small cerebral cortex, and limited cognitive ability for getting trapped, while chastising the primate for not having the mental faculties to recognize the cause-effect relationship between clinging so tightly to something of little value that it causes the loss of something of far greater value – to which I would inquire, “are we all that different from the chimp?”
Many people complain that personal freedom isn’t possible or realistic in the real world. They lament the restrictions upon their life that make it seem impossible to be free. They are in trapped a box.
What is a Box
A box (like the coconut) is metaphor for any uncomfortable situation that restricts your freedom. The trap is set when limited thinking leads to the errant assumption that the cost of getting out of a bad situation is too great to consider. The box becomes prison when you believe there is no way out of the box.Life presents us with an almost infinite number of boxes, some big, while others are relatively small, but they all cause some level of discomfort, and always cause you to forgo other alternatives that are far more appealing to you.
Here are a few common boxes…
You find yourself in a bad marriage or crummy relationship, but remain in this box because you fear the consequences of getting out. You’re scared of being alone, you’re worried about the financial repercussions, you’re anxious about what “they” will think if you leave, in short, you’re frightened about the unknown, so you stay in the box believing the devil you know, is better than the devil you don’t.
You are a successful professional with a reputation to maintain. You’re entrenched in a career that is killing you, but you choose to stay in the box because you fear the unknowns that lie outside the box. You worry about rocking the boat with your colleagues, or what your family will think if you where to quit. You stay in your unfulfilling job, even though the long hours keep you from your kids, the stress keeps you from good health, and the money keeps you from pursuing your passion. You’re unwilling to acknowledge that maybe you’ve chosen the wrong profession, but can’t imagine “throwing away” the ten years you’ve put into it, so you remain in the box.
You’ve acquired a debt for something you bought that no longer is of value to you, yet every month you write the check for money you’d much rather spend on something else. You believe you have pay for your previous mistake until the outstanding debt is paid off, so you are stuck in a box, willingly suffering the torment and emotional distress of writing those checks every month.
All boxes are difficult to see but easy to fall into. Once inside, they are easy to see and difficult to get out of.The difficulty in escaping from a box comes from our inability to “think outside of it”. We fail to recognize that there is a always a way out of every box we find ourselves in, we simply need to be willing to pay the price. The price might be emotional upheaval, a financial hit, hurting someone’s feelings, or perhaps time lost trying to make things right, whatever it is, there is a price you can pay to get out.
Here are steps to get out of the box …
Realize you are in a box
A box is defined by any situation that restrains your freedom and prevents you from enjoying a more attractive alternative. It could be a small box that is an ongoing low-level irritant you begrudgingly tolerate, or a big box that wreaks havoc in your life by damaging your health, hurting your relationships, or wrecking your finances. Whatever the case, you suffer discomfort, don’t like the situation, and on some level you feel trapped.Know that you pay a price to remain in the box
Anytime you remain in a box you pay a price. You are foregoing more attractive alternatives and passing up better options by choosing to remain in the box. Even small boxes that represent only minor aggravations force you to endure something you’d rather not, as a result it costs you something. Small things become big things when left unattended. Problems compound and grow over time when not confronted and dealt with. Small boxes can grow into big boxes, and multiple small boxes have a negative cumulative effect. You pay a price to remain in the box no matter the size. Make no mistake, as long as you do nothing, you are paying an emotional, psychological, physical, or financial price to remain trapped in the box.
Recognize there is a way out of the box
To get out, you will have to pay a price. There is a price to be paid to remain in the box, and there is a price to be paid to get out of the box. Nothing in life is free. Your personal freedom hinges on your recognition that you can get out, you just have to be willing to pay the price. Know this, whatever it is; there is a price you can pay to get out.
Suppose you bought something on time and have acquired a debt that you no longer want to pay. You do have choices. You could sell the item. Maybe you have twenty-five payments left and feel you have to endure the pain of writing those checks for twenty-five more months? Why endure that stress? You can get out! Life’s short, so why not sell the item and end the pain? If the outstanding debt is more than the amount you can sell it for, why not pay the difference in cash, or sell something else to make up the difference, and end the problem right now? Hanging on to the item and waiting twenty-five months because you worry about taking a loss on the item only increases your losses – both emotionally and financially. The point is you are not stuck in the box unless you think you are. You have the power to choose. Pay me now or pay me later – the choice is yours.
Pay the price and get out of the box
Awareness can be curative. Cultivate the art of paying attention. Identify all the boxes in your life. The big ones are easy to see, but don’t look past the small boxes that create petty annoyances, small inconveniences, and seemingly insignificant irritants that bring slow chronic discomfort. Even small boxes if left unresolved manifest only negative feelings the produce unhappy implications. A pebble in your shoe is easy to ignore and dismiss as no big deal, but over time that innocuous little rock can eat a hole in your foot causing you to bleed to death. Pay the price to get out of the small boxes while the price is easy to afford.
I’ve never found an exception to the rule that the sooner you pay the price, the less it costs you. The sooner you handle it, the easier it is.Identify the anticipated price and resolve to pay it. If the price is confronting someone, then confront them – tell your spouse whom you’ve been unhappily married to for years that you no longer wish to remain married, tell your boss that you desire a raise or will be seeking another job, or tell your friend or relative who only brings you grief, that you are breaking off the relationship.
The price of getting out of a box might seem unbearable when looking at it from afar, but rarely is the price half of what we imagined it might be, and in most cases the price is only a small fraction of what we feared. In the rare case where the price is greater than what you anticipated, the essential fact remains, you are still in a box and need to rid yourself of whatever trouble the box has caused you. Never forget that you are paying a price regardless – there’s a price to pay to get out of the box, and there’s a price to pay to remain in the box, and in my experience the price you pay for inaction and doing nothing is far greater in the long haul, than the price paid for taking action to resolve the problem.
Freedom = Happiness
So many people cry out for freedom, but waste their energy complaining about government politics, griping about company policies, or cursing about the people who won’t let them be free. Grow up! Getting out of a box has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else but you. You don’t need to persuade or convince others to let you out of the box, and you don’t require anyone’s permission to be free – in fact, you have exactly a zero chance of ever being free if you are planning for others to change, or hoping they will give you permission to live your own life. Depending on others for your happiness and freedom is a losers limp. Freedom is your birthright, and your happiness is your responsibility. The decision is entirely yours!
Fiat justitia — ruat caelum. “Do justice, and let the skies fall.” ~ Saying from Roman antiquity
The reward for escaping the box is personal freedom! Why is freedom so important? Because your happiness in large part is dependent on your ability to decide the kind of life that is best for you, therefore, happiness, and a sense of control over your life are inexorably linked. When you remain trapped by fictitious obligations and illusory liabilities you loose your power to live the life that you decide is best for you.
Escaping the box means you earn a life lived on your own terms. As long as you remain in a box by refusing to pay the price to get out, you lower your consciousness, lessen your happiness, and cheapen your one and only life here on planet earth. Remaining in a box is a burden you carry around with you wherever you go, so why not resolve to pay the price to get rid of the box, so you can enjoy the peace and happiness that comes with personal freedom?
Every dollar you spend or hour you waste preserving, explaining, justifying, or hanging onto the box (remember the coconut and monkey?), is one less hour or dollar you could be using for better things –like winning your freedom.
Never assume there is no way out of the box. Your past errors or mistakes, the ones that put you in the box to begin with, do not warrant a life of incarceration. None of your foibles, mistakes, and shortcomings; failures, frustrations, or faux pas, warrant a life sentence paid in misery and pain. You are an imperfect human being, not a perfect deity, so quit with the guilt, don’t be a martyr, give yourself a break and get on with your life.
There’s always a way and always a price you can pay to get rid of the box. Take a look at your own life and what is the one thing can you do today that would give you more freedom tomorrow? Find it and pay it. One day you might wake up and realize the shackles are gone –there is nothing hanging over your head, no burden to drag around, and the chronic discomforts that ate away at your happiness are no more! You’re free! Free to live your life, as you want to live it.
